The Pheonix
Image: Artwork by Steven Spazuk
"As the legend goes, when the Pheonix ressurects from the flames, she is even more beautiful than before."
When I sat down to write this post, my first thoughts were to apologize to all of my family, friends, and even the few strangers who took notice and supported with high hopes the seedling I had planted- Milestones and Merriments. I had dropped off the radar entirely- lost all commitment to the nurturing of the business, and even the blogging.
It of course didn't take long though to realize that I, more importantly, owed myself an apology.
I did well to tend to the demands of a changing family, but threw away the faith in myself I needed and the ability to aspire entirely as I felt myself become a statistic.
One day I was a stay at home mother with the funds for continuing my education and the time to invest in the development of anything I really could have dreamed. I had the luxury of planning my work around my most valued time with my baby.
The next day- I made a choice. I traded those luxuries for an internal soundness and for an enviornment I felt provided my daughter with normalcies that would not damage her expectations for herself or for the people who she will call family, lovers, or friends. I managed to secure a piece of the near 40% divorce rate for the state of Rhode Island, along with the all too common 6-day-a-week job that pays minimum wage (or if you're lucky, a dollar and a half more) per hour, with useless or non-existent benefits.
I lost financial stability, and I lost time with my daughter. It was an immensely stressful change that bore it's teeth daily as I put my daughter into the arms of another to spend it breaking my back for people whose pay nor presence showed any appreciation for the sacrafice my time truly was. I always had something much more important to do- to be a mother- yet for all of those hours, economics had me doing something else.
The court hearings and unrelenting battles fueled with bitterness were a far cry from negligable. They were exhausting and unnerving. Physically, metally, emotionally I struggled to keep myself in the race, but with help from friends and family, I did.
All things considered, I firmly and earnestly stand by the choice that I made. I am the role model I want to be for my daughter, showing her what power is within her and what power is not to be given to others. Though circumstances are limiting at present time, I have emerged from the brunt of the stress highly motivated and confident.
The photo above is a piece of artwork done by Steven Spazuk. He uses fire to create images- holding a candle up to pieces of canvas and then manipulating the soot with knives, brushes, and his fingers.
The Pheonix is the motif of this post. I am here, what was is now gone, and what lies ahead is entirely up to me to design. I am dreaming again. I am standing stronger. I am a woman, I am a mother, I am a Pheonix.
Milestones and Merriments will, for now, be ressurected as a blog. It's where I'll publish my journey- my milestones and my merriments- from where I am to where I aspire to be. Be it a place for inspiration, for validation, or assistance- I hope following this blog can do for you as much as writing it will do for me.
Until next time,
Alyssa
